me with two of my siblings
To My Inner Child
Dear sweet inner child, I realize now somewhere along the way I forgot you and forgot how to have fun. You were left with no one to protect you, love you and care for your total well being. My deepest sincere apologies.
What happened
I was so young when my inner child self shrank back. She continued shrinking until she was but a speck in the dark. Still a child but not a child as she lost the joy of simple play. In its place grew shady fear. I didn’t know how to take care of you any more than I knew how to take care of me.
Sometimes things work in reverse. I slowly began to take care of me which led me to you sweet inner child. We are one and the same but were separated by fear and hidden by massive doubts and worries.
Fear quickens the shadows
Interesting how quickly the shadows grow and loom over one area of life after another. Certainly, confidence dwindles as inspirations gasp for air. The inner fire of passion reduced to a lone ember. Darkness fills the spaces of relationships, hopes, dreams, work and through it all joyful play is invisible. Responsibilities mount and weigh heavy. How many of them are real and how many are simply a conjuring from outside influences?
Dear inner child you must wake up now because I am here. Additionally, I have shed the dross and the many influences that worked hard to make me feel worthless. As surely as I breath, I came to earth to find freedom from the drone of should’ve, shouldn’t, must do and calm down. Be quiet, your making a spectacle of yourself, who do you think you are? You are nothing but a piece of s%#t.
Unbroken Will
Despite the abuse and the relentless voices working hard to break me, my will did not break. Surprisingly, I broke through. Now I am here to rescue you sweet inner child. As an adult I now know how to care not only for me but for you. I honor your sense of lighthearted giggles and joy. My heart is open to guide you with kindness and keep you safe. The magnetic nature of my will is excited for the return of a second innocence. One born of wisdom rather than naïveté.
Oh sweet inner child
Now she rises ready for fun, able to explore through the eyes of wonder once again. Clean, simple, fun and heart felt joy rise up. I am here loving you.
My laugh is her laugh. We are united in our joy. I am alive and she is safe in my care.
Smiling, I reach out my hand for her to hold and she takes it. She is no longer frightened like before when she never knew when she would be struck a brutal blow. Those days are behind her and now she knows she is safe. I am parent to my inner child. As I speak kindly to myself she hears me. My heart beats for her and I.
There are no demands of unattainable perfection. My wounds have been laid out in the open to heal and transform. Transform they did. We are both safe, her and I and we are blending becoming one once again. The power of joy is unmistakable.
I love love and I always will
love, Astara
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